Author: Deniz Seyrek

Yes my journey in India was beginning with a great excitement in my heart. After discovering Nepal for 3 months, now I was in the lands of this great country with which I would fall deeply in love eventually. I didn’t know back then how a magical period of 6 months was waiting for me in the embrace of mother India.
Once in a while I pick cards for guidance and this card above was the one I’ve picked just before entering to India. ‘Spiritual Growth’. It was exactly defining my heart’s instincts after I’ve engaged more deeply with my spirituality in Nepal. The card was saying;
“During these times you may feel a mixture of many feelings like confusion, excitement, fear, wonder. You renewed your connection with the Divine and you wish to grow, learn and meditate on a full time basis. Surrender to your fears. Trust that you are supported, loved and guided each moment. Trust that the same power that brought you to your spiritual path will also take care of everything else for you.”

The journey totally took 14 hours from Kathmandu-Nepal to Varanasi-India. I used Sunauli border chech-point to pass through. Varanasi also known as ‘The city of Light’ is located at the east part of Uttar Pradesh state in North India.
Varanasi is one of the most famous and the oldest inhabited cities of the world. It has been a cultural centre of northern India for several thousand years and has a great location on the bank of river Ganges.

The city is known worldwide for its ghats (above) that are the steps leading down to the river. There are 88 ghats along the Ganges and just behind the ghats there are many shrines, temples and palaces. Apart from their religious significance these ghats are also home for the residants to spend time or even dry their washed sheets or clothes. I had gone for long walks along the river from one ghat to another and observed the life around here for some days.

Varanasi is the holiest of seven sacred cities of Hinduism. It is believed that the city is the adobe of Supreme God Shiva that is –according to Hindu mythology- one of the three principal deities along with Brahma and Vishnu. Nearly, 70% of the population follows Hinduism. Pilgrims come to the Ganges and perform ritual ablutions to wash away sins in the sacred waters. They present offerings to the river with flowers, candles and incenses.

Hindus believe that dying here and getting cremated along the banks of the holy Ganges river allows one to break the cycle of rebirth and attain salvation. This makes Varanasi a major center for pilgrimage. Manikarnika Ghat is the primary site for Hindu cremation. Adjoining the ghat, there are raised platforms that are used for death rituals. Huge piles of firewood are stacked along the top of the ghat. You can watch cremations but always show reverence by behaving respectfully. Photography is strictly prohibited but I could secretly take these two photos above.
Watching the ritual of cremation can be a powerful experience. This was my second experience after visiting Pashupatinath temple in Kathmandu, Nepal. The trinity of birth, life and death carry equal importance here. I really respect the way that death is entirely accepted. My experience here became even more intense as I saw the mother cow there on the ground (seen in the front side of the photo above). It was apparent that she has just lost her baby after the birth. She was in grief near the dead body of her baby just beside her. I prayed for them that they both would become free from their suffering as soon as possible.

Pind Daan is a ritual commonly performed near Ganges river. (seen above) It is believed that even after death, the pull of love for one’s friends, relatives or the materialistic world force the soul to stay behind. This ritual is believed to be the process of freeing the spirit of dead from the cycle of rebirth and it provides the ultimate relief to the restless soul.

Aarti is a Hindu religious ritual of worship in which flame is offered to deities. A group of priests perform this every evening at Dashashwamedh Gath as a dedication to Shiva, Ganga, Surya (Sun), Agni (Fire) and the entire universe. During the ritual, songs are sung with bells when the light is being offered. Hundreds of people join this ceremony every night.
After Aarti finished I gave my offerings to the holy Ganges and prayed this time not for myself but for the well-being of mountains, rivers, forests, air, earth, animals, plants, all living beings. I prayed for the awareness of human kind for abandoning the cruelty and egoism and for generating understanding, love and compassion in the hearts. I handed down my candle with roses to the Ganges.

Just one line behind the ghats there starts the narrow labyrinth like alleys that are gateways to the colourful sights, sounds and smells of this unique city. There are countless shops. You can easily get lost that’s why I recommend you to use an offline map then you can be free without being concerned of getting lost.

Frankly speaking, to begin from Varanasi to my travels in India was an intense start. As it displays perfectly the chaotic spirit of mother India. Thankfully Nepal prepared me for this in some ways. Unbeliveably crazy but interestingly harmonious traffic, earsplitting sounds of constant horns, huge amounts of people on the streets, many cows and so thin, poor dogs in the alleys, trashes everywhere, the smell of urine in the air, all blend together to form the character of ordinary life of India. Some visuals surprise, some amaze and some can be heart breaking. Many emotions arise as you see many faces of life.

Walking in the little alleys or streets you come across with many temples dedicated to different deities. The sounds of the bells, chantings, prayers fill the air with their tunes. The diversity of colours in the temples, the depictions of Gods, flowers, candles, offerings all create a mystical ambiance. Then you learn cleanness is perceived quite differently in India. Here it fundamentally means the purification of energies. For this they use incenses and some dried plants.

Varanasi is a musical centre where some forms of Indian classical music was developed. Many musicians from all over the world come here, choose a master and practice instruments for months. Just randomly you can come across with talented musicians playing on the ghats and listen to different ragas (musical modes in Indian classical music). You will also see many shops in the alleys that sell a wide range of musical instruments like; rudra veena, sitar, tambura, sarangi, tabla and bansuri.

Varanasi has the privilege of having Sarnath (above) which is seen as one of the four main places of Buddhist pilgrimage. It is just 10km away from Varanasi. This is where Lord Buddha –after enlightenment- delivered his first teaching on ‘four noble truths’ and the teachings associated with it.

Then time comes to say goodbye to holy Varanasi and hit the road again.

India is a huge subcontinent therefore traveling means covering quite long distances each time. Sometimes it can last for 20 or 30 hours. Train travel is a fascinating way to explore India. Lines pass through mountains, huge plains, forests, shores, villages and many panoramic views that show the countries immensity and diversity.
Indian Railways offers different classes of travel. The most basic ones are over crowded and unreserved which can be a little challenging. First class has the potential to isolate you from the essence of Indian train journeys. I generally chose 3rd class which was just ok and relatively cheaper. Get prepared for long delays at the schedules. During the journey you will get used to see many people staring at you any time, sometimes blankly, sometimes in curiosity. I advise you to keep your backpack always near you.
I started off from Bodghaya and reached Delhi by 17 hour train travel. The bus journey from Delhi to Haridwar lasted for 6 hours. Then I took the last bus from there and finally after one hour I was in Rishikesh. I was not knowing at that moment that I would be staying here for a month.

Rishikesh is a beautiful town in Uttarakhand state in north part of India. It is located in the foothills of Himalayas and by the holy river Ganges. Rishikesh is regarded as one of the holiest places to Hindus, that’s why it is a pilgrimage site. What a blessing to be close to Ganges and have an ever present connection inbetween. You can always easily walk to the riverside and put your feet into this holy water that comes to you all the way from the mountains.
I am feeling the transformative unique energy Rishikesh holds. For thousands of years people came here to meet with the ultimate reality, prayed, washed themselves in the Ganges. It is not hard to feel the energies that have been accumulated here. Rishikesh is carrying this memory with it, if you open yourself then this wisdom becomes visible to you.

North of the town is a gateway to Himalayas. The fast-flowing Ganges meanders in the valley gifting magnificent views each time. Just 5 to 10 kilometers bring you to this piece of heaven that is surrounded by forested hills (above). Thankfully the water in Rishikesh is unaffected from the pollution as it is close to the springs and major polluting points are down the river.
Rishikesh is believed to be the adobe of Lord Shiva that is –according to Hindu mythology- one of the three principal deities along with Brahma and Vishnu. Hindu sages and saints have visited Rishikesh since ancient times to meditate in search of higher knowledge.
Most of the times I was walking to the northern part of the town, finding myself a nice isolated spot by the river and meditating. I was dipping my body into the water, feeling its energy, purity, healing in my each and every cell and in my mind and heart. Ice cold water makes you breath so deeply and fast and gives you the sense of vitality. This was my ritual to connect with who I am through the wisdom of the water.

Neer Garh waterfall (above) is reached by a two hour hike from Rishikesh. It is in the northwest side of the town. The hike proceeds along dense forested hills.

East direction of the town is again surrounded by forests. This was nothing but a gift to have this nature around me so I went on long walks into the forest. Sometimes little creeks come along your way and decorate the mother nature in the most beautiful way. Dear monkeys are always around. I like to watch them when they are playing or just sitting lazily with other family members. There are also some caves (for example: Baba Cave) around this part of the town which were homes of some saints and sages who meditated here for many years.

You oftenly see many temples and shrines in the alleys or near the banks of the river. This clearly shows the religious significance of Rishikesh. Ancient or new, big or small you come across with many of them which give you many ideas about the religion and traditions. While bells are ringing, priests are chanting hymns, people make offerings of flowers, grass, dried rice, fruits, leaves, water and a milk bath to the lingam.

The depictions of different Gods and Goddesses greet you, bless you in the temples (like above). They may sometimes look simple or even childish. But if you really know what they stand for then you can connect with these qualities that you already have in your essence.

You will see lingams (above, left) in Shiva temples. It is a religious symbol in Hinduism just like the cross is for Christians. It is a smooth cylindrical mass. Often it rests in the centre of a disk-shaped object, the yoni, which is an emblem of the goddess Shakti. Hindus consider the lingam and yoni together to symbolize the union of the male and female principles and the totality of all existence.
However some take this symbol differently. The world of Shakti is the world of name and form. Shiva is outside name and form. It is the destructive so the generative power of all existence. How do you worship the formless? So in old times the rishis simply picked up river-stones, given shape by the flowing water and worshipped it by placing it erect in the ground, or simply creating a mound of sand on the river bank.

There are two bridges uniting the west and the east of the town. One of them is the orange coloured suspended bridge Lakshman Jhula (above, left) It is one of the icons of Rishikesh as well as the Swarg Niwas&Shri Trayanbakshwar temple (above, right) which is located at the east bank of the river. There are dozens of shrines to Hindu deities on each level of this big building. Rishikesh is also a cafe rich town where you can meet like minded people. One of them is the German Bakery located at the beginning of this bridge on west side. And the other one is the Little Buddha cafe on the east side. I really enjoyed to sit and relax in the afternoons at these places.

Other bridge Ram Jhula is located in the southern part of the town (above). I find this part a little less touristic and enjoyed so much wandering around the inner roads of this area. It has more flavours of Indian essence.

There are many ashrams and religious centers established at both sides of Ram Jhula like Sivananda Ashram on west and Parmarth Niketan on east. Parmarth Niketan (above) is the largest ashram in Rishikesh with over 1000 rooms. The ghats in front of it is a nice place to hang around. Daily activities include yoga, morning universal prayers, meditation classes, daily lectures and kirtan (singing devotional songs).

Hinduism is a religion that raises the status of mother to the level of Goddess. Therefore, the cow is considered a sacred animal, as her products provide us nourishment. With the ideal of ‘Ahimsa’ (nonviolence) that is the absence of the desire to harm living creatures, the cow became a symbol of nonviolent generosity. It is considered highly auspicious for a true devotee to feed a cow even before eating oneself. Due to the religious significance of the place, non-vegetarian food and alcohol are prohibited in Rishikesh.

Rishikesh is known as the ‘Yoga Capital of the World’. Serious yoga students come to learn to become qualified as yoga teachers. Yoga and meditation classes are everywhere in different times of day and night that offer many techniques in different disciplines. There are also other centers that offer a wide variety of teachings on reiki, ayurveda, tai chi, kung fu, dance and so on. I tried some places and decided on one teacher, Surinder for hatha yoga and attended his classes as much as possible.
I also loved to attend kirtans and bhajans whenever I had the chance. These are performances using music and chantings of spiritual teachings or mantras that express loving devotion to the true nature of consciousness. It can be in ‘call and response’ style. They bring healing and openness to the heart when performed in big groups of people.

There are also some cooking classes in town that offer to teach many different recipes of rich Indian cuisine in which the spices are the most essential ingredients. In these classes you can learn how to distinguish the flavours and to cook red, green, yellow curries with vegetables and paneer (cheese), breads (chapati, naan) and different types of rice and chutneys.

Don’t miss the chance, go and attend an Indian wedding anywhere in India. It is an amazing experience. You don’t need to be invited, everyone is invited. Go and join the long cortege of hundreds of people. Sparkling lights, high volume upbeat music of different instruments, drums, bells, beautiful Indian women in their colourful sarees, all come together for this colourful and joyful experience.
First you walk the whole neighborhood with this cortege for some hours and dance altogether like crazy. Then you come to the wedding place which may be the largest feast that you have ever seen. Never ending food stalls line next to each other offering an enormous variety of delicious Indian food. People go on dancing in different stages that play different tunes of music. Ceremony can last for some days even.

I catched the Holi festival in Rishikesh which is another crazy celebration. Holi is a popular ancient Hindu festival also known as the festival of spring or the festival of colours. It lasts for a night and a day, starting on the evening of a fullmoon in the beginning of March. At the first night people gather, perform religious rituals in front of the bonfire and pray that their internal evil be destroyed.

Next day is literally a crazy day. Everyone, friend or stranger, rich or poor, man or woman, children or elders go into a joyful fight with colours in the streets. Many groups of people carry drums and other instruments, go from place to place, sing and dance. The drink called Bhang (made from cannabis) is commonly drank by almost everyone. It was an amazing day with my dear friends Lorraine and Alejandro who came into my life like a gift. I am so grateful for their friendships and sincere hearts. Happy Happy Holi!

During travelling when you stay in a place in a longer period, this naturally brings a routine into your days. And I sometimes need it and love it. The road above is the line I walked each and every day to go here and there. This old man with his beautiful heart was greeting me with a warm and caring smile everyday, asking me if I am ok and need anything. He was creating a cause for me to be happy each day. May he always be happy. Staying at a place for longer times enables you to build closer friendships. Our dorm became like a home for all of us.

It was just my second day in Rishikesh, I’ve learned that one month series of satsangs of Prem Baba would be starting. What a synchronicity again! As my entire journey has the main direction on spiritality I am always open and willing to learn. I hadn’t known him before but after couple of days listening to him, I was impressed enough to stay and continue to listen to his teachings.
Satsang can be translated from Sanskrit as ‘to be in the company of true people’. It is an environment where you listen to the teachings of the Guru (teacher), meditate and contemplate together, sing together. This allows an individual to elevate the mind from one that is worldly towards a higher level of consciousness. It is sometimes accompanied with the presence of a holy person.
Prem Baba is a Brazilian spiritual teacher who focuses on building a bridge between spirituality and psychology. I took benefits from his teachings that focuse on overcoming limiting psychological patterns and taking responsibility for transforming the negative conditioning that causes suffering to the person and to those around him/her.
Everyday I was going to his satsangs, opening myself to the teachings and taking nourishment from the energy of the unity of hundreds of people that are on the path to know the truth. Bhajans were setting the environment for me to really connect with my heart. I was deeply contemplating on his words and orientations every day and night, exactly at the times that I was working mainly on my ego and its layers. During this whole one month, I had some observations that evoke some criticisms in me but I chose not to focuse on those but take whatever I needed to learn. When you are a seeker it is just ok to try and try and try to see what is best for you. Then eventually the time comes to show you who is your real Guru. I was going to meet him in the upcoming months in India. (If you are interested to know about it, you can check two essays; Tiruvannamalai Part I & Tiruvannamalai Part II, in India folder.) Nevertheless I am thankful to Prem Baba for lighting some dark places in me.

Prem Baba was saying; “True love is letting the other one be. When you love everything then you are free from everything. Only love allows you to be free.” These words were wandering around in my awareness and I was doing my best to let them penetrate into my realizations. But even if I repeated these words a million times there was something lacking that was preventing me from understanding the totality. Ahh what a challenging time it was. Later on life showed me the real way. I am so thankful for this and for myself that never gave up to be courageous to walk the path even it was staggering at some points. There are two flows, one from love to wisdom and the other from wisdom to love. My path is a blend of this two. If any of this is missing then the true transformation and total realization can not be possible. So what is wisdom? Hopefully I will write an essay on wisdom and share it on these pages.

But before realizing all these, I strived in my psychology for some months. My investigations were going deeper and deeper. I was holding my awareness at the highest level on not fooling myself but to be true to myself. Define your patterns, your impurities, resentments, shame, greed, pride, jealousy, weakness, fears. Be courageous. See the scale of the destruction, find its causes and results. Eventually you will understand that this is the blaming game of the ego. Don’t feed it. If you don’t blame then you are not a victom any more. Choose to let go. Be in the moment. . .
Ahh many times I was failing, becoming so exhausted then the result was low self esteem and anger to myself. In order to love wholely, loving one’s self was advised at the first place. But those times I was misperceiving this with my limited understanding. What was Self? What was that really?
Rishikesh had become a home for me where I was mostly introverted and engaged deeply with meditations. Before Rishikesh I was in Bodghaya and after Rishikesh I went to Dharamshala. At these two spots I stayed in two Buddhist centers and took very beneficial teachings from the path of Buddha. If you are interested, please check Bodghaya – Dharamshala essay in India folder.
I was reminding myself to see my experiences as part of a greater flow, that I was evolving in it. But there was an instinct there whispering me that something will manifest itself. In subtle levels I was feeling that it would be destructive and striking. Life would show that so soon.

I guess you have already seen that there is a spiritual tone in my writings. So you can ask how this topic ‘Seed Saving’ can be related to spirituality. Here is the reason why:
Every suffering of humanity and also every ecological problem comes from the illusion that we are separate from nature and from the totality of existence. We are ignorant to see what our egos contain, how our minds function and how the common worldview seperate us all from the unity of being. Based on their spiritual instincts people investigate this mainly through meditation or contemplative practices.
But you know, a lot more are searching deeply into it and even living this unity in their direct experiences through their connection with the natural world. By just touching the earth, planting a seed, growing their food. By taking part in the cycles of life they are realizing their true nature which is one and the same in every being. Cocreating with nature is bringing us the timeless memory of our oneness.
This essay is about what ‘Seed Saving’ means and about my visit to Navdanya Biodiversity Conservation Farm in Dehradun India. I invite you to open your awareness to this highly important action, learn the issues around it and contemplate on what you can do or change in order to support.

Up until my journey started in October 2017, I was working as a ‘seed saver’ for almost 4 years. There were significant reasons behind this action of mine.
Seeds are the source of life and the first link in our food chain. In its essence the seed is all of the past evolution of the earth. Over the last ten thousand years communities traditionally used the seeds as part of their common field, independent from ownership. But today seeds are overtaken by corporations and laws are designed to control the seeds. If you control seeds you can control life on earth! But in fact no one or no government or no corporation can own the seeds. They belong to all of us, like water, like air.
There are many prices that we are paying globally. As the big companies started to get hold of the agricultural production world wide, the small scale farmers lost their power to maintain a place for themselves in the economical system. So sadly thousands of farmers in India committed suicide over the recent years.
One other dramatic side is that genetically modified (GMO) or hybrid seeds are threatening food security. Because of industrial and monocultural farming that uses these types, we have been losing more and more of this precious heritage. At the end unfortunately, we have lost 75% of vegetable and 94% of our crop varieties in the last century. So seed saving is an ethical urge to defend life’s evolution. Seeds are gift of life. Conserving seed is conserving biodiversity, culture and sustainability.
I invite you to protect our rights of preserving, sharing, using and developing the heirloom seeds. Support the seed savers and related projects around you. Even if it is one pot in your balcony, you can be a seed saver. And please be aware of what you eat, consume consciously. You can choose to purchase your food from the small scale farmers who need your support to survive in this economical system. Else you will be supporting the big companies that only and only produce unhealthy food and unfortunately support the destruction on our planet.

What seedsavers do are; they find the heirloom seeds, cultivate them, then take the new seeds and preserve them. At the end they spread the seeds to the other people or farmers. By multiplying the seeds this way, they support the biodiversity and the continuum of our heritage.
My Seed Saving project was based on the seed library I created with almost 400 different species that were mostly from Anatolia. I gave my full time and energy on multiplying the seeds each season. Then I was sharing them for free with some small scale farmers, ngos or independent seed savers.
I worked in my low cost garden where I used no chemicals or artificial fertilizers, enriched the condition of the soil, recycled the wastes and used the water consciously. The abundance was unbelievable. When you treat mother nature with care and love, her response is always an unbelievable abundance. The pictures below show the gifts of my garden. I take it as a miracle.

So as I am interested in seeds, biodiversity and natural farming, I wanted to take the chance and visit Navdanya Biodiversity Conservation Farm. It is located near Dehradun that is only 60km away from Rishikesh in north part of India.

Navdanya is a movement and a network for Earth Democracy that aims to protect India’s biodiversity based food heritage. With this vision they have created 122 Community Seed Banks in 18 states of India and Bhutan. They have trained over 900.000 farmers in seed and food sovereignty and sustainable agriculture over the past two decades. They help consumers by creating awareness on the benefits of local, fresh organic food. They are also committed to keep our mother earth free from agrichemicals that not only pollute but also destroy the biodiversity and the soil health.
Navdanya Biodiversity Conservation Farm is located on a 47 acres of land including mango and lemon orchards, farmland, a seed bank, a medicinal herb garden, a soil laboratory and accommodations for the community.

The picture above shows the farmland where they experiment different species altogether to test or maintain resistance. They mimic the nature and combine different varieties in a diversed way and see how they cope with each other. The aim to do these experiments is also to investigate how the proper efficiency can be maintained to feed a family with a limited area of land. They promote the cultivation of varieties like amaranth and millet that started to become forgotten food.

There is also a rich medicinal herb garden in the farm. Volunteers are working and taking care of the cultivations with the support of some members and farmers of the community. I talked to some of the volunteers. On the contrary to what I was expecting, the volunteers’ professions were mostly based on social science rather than ecology or agriculture. They were working on community building, peace, freedom, justice, ecofeminism, management, economy. This was showing me the emphasis Navdanya puts on democracy in all fields of life.

The seed bank here (above) doesn’t exist purely as a heritage museum, the intention is to re-introduce these seeds into agricultural production cycles. Every year, the saved seeds are distributed for free to farmers willing to cultivate their land organically. The next year, the same farmers either return seeds to Navdanya or give some of the seeds to other farmers for free. By this way Navdanya promotes and spreads the practice of organic and biodiverse farming and ensures the continuity of the seeds.

You can guess how much I was amazed to see this spectacularly rich seed bank. The organised order and the care they take impressed me so much. The board above shows the number of varieties of the seed bank. For instance there are 730 different varieties of rice here. This indicates the numbers only of the seed bank here. There are 122 community seed banks in India. The numbers are unbelievable.

Mr Chander who is one of the seed keepers here hosted and accompanied me. I presented them a set of seed varieties from my seed library. Handing over the seeds to Navdanya and experiencing the solidarity in between different spots of the earth was a pure source of happiness for me.

I had the chance to meet Vandana Shiva (above) in person during the Yoga Festival in Rishikesh. She is the founder of Navdanya and an environmental activist who is the source of inspiration for many people in the world.
We met just after she gave her powerful lecture entitled ‘Yoga of Action’. As I listened to her, I once more realized how mother nature had become my very first source to feel the interconnectedness. Mother nature guided me to realize the true meaning of peace, unconditional love and compassion. Mother nature opened the way for me to experience generosity, solidarity, cocreation and abundance. The result was pure love and happiness. I am so grateful for my past times when I was living a simple and calm life in a village and doing seed saving work. I learned a lot from those days.

“A seed sown in the soil makes us one with the Earth. It makes us realize that we are the Earth.” Vandana Shiva

This essay is about my experiences at two different Buddhist centers. First is the ‘Root Institude’ in Bodhgaya that is in Bihar state in east India. Second is ‘Tushita’ in Dharamshala that is in Himachal Pradesh state in north India. I also mentioned about the quality of these two destinations that are not only significant in Buddhist tradition but also very special regarding their magnificent landscapes.

The reason that brought me to Bodhgaya was to attend ‘Peaceful Living Peaceful Dying’ retreat at Root Institude. This would be my very first course in Buddhist tradition. I was a seeker who was totally ready to learn and willing to grasp whatever is beneficial and eye opening. With this enthusiasm I stayed at the institude for two weeks that introduced me into the philosophy and practice of Buddha’s way. Gifting yourself the opportunity to do a retreat is a very special experience that supports your discovery into the depth of your true being.

Root Institude (above) is a Buddhist center in Tibetan tradition that offers a peaceful place to stay, study Buddhism, learn and practice meditation in individual or group retreats. There are introductory courses which are the best to start with and also there are intermediate courses that are ideal for those who are looking to challenge themselves beyond foundational Buddhist philosophy.
As I was starting ‘Peaceful Living Peaceful Dying’ retreat I had the main motivation to learn and have some insights about my two investigations. One of them was to discover how to love without attachment, and the other one was to have some clarity on how I could be in peace with death, how I could accept this phenomena without fear. I had some hard experiences in my past in which I witnessed the death of my beloved ones and gone into grief after these losses. So the fact of death was there in my awareness that needed acceptance, clarity and freedom.
So the course started with a quite intense schedule with teachings, meditation sessions, group discussions, readings, contemplations and Q&A sessions. We went deep into the fundamental teachings of Buddhism like; death, birth, impermenance, equanimity, karma, attachment, love, compassion and so on.
The moments of meditation are the time to observe and realize. Teachings are so important for sure but real realization is taking place in our direct experience. I had an important guidance on meditation at the 10 day Vipassana course couple of weeks ago in Kathmandu. I was taking benefits from that but the guidance went much more deeper here. We experienced guided analytical meditations on different subjects that were so impressive.

The institude was so peaceful, providing me a calm environment to go further in my contemplations. This is needed when you are dealing with quite intense subjects. The teaching on equanimity was inviting me to be in the same distance to everything and this enabled me to perceive my attachments more consciously. Regarding death I observed the pain in me that was again an indication of attachment to my body and identity. I observed the fear and found out that it could be let go of. Because it is just a production of the mind and it is impermenant.
The law of impermenance hit me intensely. My teacher once told me to go out, walk in the peaceful gardens and enjoy the beauty of flowers, their colours, their smell. Then he added; “Remember, one day they will all die.” A real slap in the face! After these insightful days the fact of death had taken its place in my awareness more wisely each day. Two years already passed after these times and now I see that I don’t have a single day that I don’t remember death. My understanding evolved to peace and acceptance. To understand life and to live it peacefully, it is fundamental to realize what death corresponds to. Then I understood why Buddhists put a great emphasis on death.
What are the things you would like to do or change in your life before you die? This is a good question. It really touched my heart to see some elders in our group who were working on purifying their resentments and developing forgiveness.

I am in deep respect to the great teaching of Compassion in Buddhism. The invitations are there for us to see the inner voice that keeps on saying me, me, me. Here prayers or intentions are for the well-being of all beings. These are simple but so meaningful orientations that turn the spotlight to the other direction and help to dissolve the ego. How meaningful it is to wish for food for the hungry, water for the thirsty, home for the homeless, clothing for the naked, wealth for poor, hope for hopeless, joy and happiness for the ones who suffer, love and compassion for everyone. How meaningful it is to remember and feel gratitude for many beings who are working for us, helping us, the farmers, doctors, plumbers, bus drivers and many people more.

This is my dear teacher Venerable Namgyel. He is incredibly funny, warm hearted, compassionate and supportive. We met here in Bodghaya. Because of the love and respect I feel for him, I followed him and attended more of his teachings in Dharamshala. We are still in contact and I am so much in gratitude for having him as a teacher in my life.

Root Institiude is located in Bodhgaya which is the most holy place for Buddhists just like Mecca is to Muslims. It is a very important place of pilgrimage as it is the place where 2600 years ago Sidhhartha Gautama is said to have attained enlightenment and became Buddha (the awakened one).
There are many Buddhist temples and monasteries (Thailand, China, Japan, Tibet, Nepal, Vietnam, Sri Lanka, Myanmar…) in Bodhgaya. These buildings reflect the architectural style, exterior and interior decoration of their respective countries.
The most important significant religious icon of the town is the spectacular Mahabodhi Temple. (above) We can say it is the spiritual heart of Bodhgaya. It dates back to 5th century and it is in the Unesco World Heritage list. Its pyramid structure was derived from the design of the stepped stupas.

The sacred Bodhi tree (above) is inside this Mahabodhi Temple complex. It is believed that Buddha attained enlightenment under what became known as the Bodhi tree. Many pilgrims come here every year for prayer, study and meditation. You see many Buddhists performing full body prostrations, walking around the temple and praying all day long. Indeed you don’t need to be a Buddhist to feel the sacred energy of the place.

Courses and retreats in Root Institude often include visits to Mahabodhi temple for extra blessings and inspiration. I visited the temple as much as possible and let the pure energies penetrate in me. It is unbelievably purifying. I walked in circles for long hours around the temple and meditate. I won’t forget that special night when it was the fullmoon and the equinox at the same time. And it was also the supermoon (it is when there are two fullmoons in one month). The moon was so big, up in the sky, lighting the whole view from the top of Mahabodhi temple. Hundreds of pilgrims were circumambulating, praying and meditating. This always touches my heart to see people who dedicate themselves to the path of love and wisdom. It was such an impressive ambiance.
I was deeply in gratitude for being able to live my life through this precious spiritual journey. I was in the beginning phase of this whole voyage yet but my heart was open enough to show me my purest inspirations. I was intending to open my heart and consciousness to a broadest degree, to be able to let go of all the obstacles, doubts, anxieties, fears of loneliness, abandonment or exclusion, to be able to purify the defilements of my ego around pride, jealousy and regret, to be able to reach to a point to spread the inner light around me.
I prayed for the appearance of wisdom not just in me but also in the consciousness of all humanity. I was deeply in gratitude for Buddha for initiating a profound path for me to realize the truth and remember my true nature. As seeing me sitting there in tears, a young monk approached and gifted me one leaf of the Bodhi tree. I felt blessed.

It was again a blessing to be able to attend a teaching of Dalai Lama in Bodhgaya. I was so impressed to see thousands of people from all around the world who came here to listen to him in great respect. The most impressive part was the incredible pure energy he was vibrating around him. What a smile he has, what a look he has. He is carrying the clear light of bliss that unite your mind with his enlightened energy right away. His talk was on Emptiness, the core teaching of Buddhism. Those times I was not capable to grasp what he was saying on this matter. Nevertheless it was just enough to be beside him.

After I left Bodhgaya I passed to Rishikesh. And then exactly one month later I came to Dharamshala, another significant place for Buddhists. When I say Dharamshala I actually mean its suburbs, McLeod Ganj and Dharamkot that can be reached through a steep, narrow road up to the hills. The McLeod Ganj town, lying in the upper reaches, is known worldwide for the presence of the Dalai Lama.

McLeod Ganj has an average elevation of 2100m and is surrounded by pine, Himalayan oak and rhododendron forests. I had been in rhododendron forests many times in Himalayas in Nepal but this was my first time that I saw them in flower. The bright red colours of the flowers were decorating the hills and gifting picturesque views.
On the hill above McLeod Ganj, with a 20 minute walk you can reach Dharamkot and a cute little village Bhagsu. There are budget homestays or guesthouses and many cosy cafes here for long-stay travellers.

Some trekking trails start from Dharamshala, Dharamkot and Bhagsu. The most favourite is the Triund (above) that is a beautiful trek through forested steep slopes and have wide views of the Kangra valley and the Dhauladhar ranges. If you like to continue you can hike 2-3 hours more to the snowline.

I really enjoyed to walk to Triund and to other valleys in a different direction with rivers and waterfalls. These lovely folks above, these dear souls were my companies with whom we had an intense but enhancer course at Tushita. I will come to those days in the following lines.

The Tibetan settlement of Dharamshala began in 1959. When the Dalai Lama had to flee Tibet, the prime minister of India allowed him and his followers to settle in McLeodGanj in Upper Dharamshala. So the Tibetan government-in-exile is headquartered here. Several thousand Tibetan exiles have settled in the area, therefore McLeod Ganj is known as ‘Little Lhasa’. It is the perfect place in India to be close to the Tibetan culture. You can explore many things in the little alleys of this hill town where you also see here and there many monks and nuns in their robes. Dalai Lama Temple (Tsuglag Khang) is a must see place.
Many people from all around the world come here to study Tibetan Buddhism, culture, crafts. Dharamkot hosts a Vipassana meditation centre as well as Tushita. The main reason I came to here was the 10 day ‘Introduction to Buddhism’ course and retreat at Tushita.
Tushita is a center for the study and practice of Buddhism of the Tibetan Mahayana tradition. It aims to provide a friendly and conducive environment for people of all nationalities and backgrounds to learn about and put into practice the teachings of the Buddha. They offer courses on introductory Buddhist philosophy and meditation as well as intermediate level courses and residential retreats for more experienced students. You can also attend drop-in guided meditations everyday (except Sunday) at 9.00 that last for one hour. It will give you a beneficial orientation about the practice of meditation.

These words of His Holiness Dalai Lama tell about the Tibetan culture beautifully. These words also include highly valuable teachings for humanity:
“As we see today human greed and unlimited wants have caused additional problems to the world and immesurable harm to animals. Based on the principles of nonviolence and peace, we have a culture of contentment and not taking too much from nature. We have a culture of caring not only for human beings but also for animals, we do not unnecessarily use, kill or harm living beings.
We should tame and make our minds peaceful through compassion. Our culture with compassion and mercy as its core and gentleness and morality as its essence has the potential to benefit all beings. These are among the most precious and important qualities in today’s world.”

So the ‘Introduction to Buddhism’ course and retreat started with an intense schedule. We were almost a hundred people who were willing to open ourselves to the teachings. We had Venerable Namgyel as our teacher and it was such a pleasure to get the intensity of the philosophy and the practices through his magnificent way of teaching and guidance.
Based on the teachings, I was diving deep to understand the causes for human -so my- suffering. I was observing pride, jealousy, fear of losing, fear of abandonment, low self esteem, anger, shame, selfishness, resistance on acceptance and so on. The more I observed the more I saw that I was stucked in the mud which was nothing but the domination of the ego.
I was spending some of my time in the library in between the books. Dalai Lama’s words on inner peace were guiding me delicately. He was saying that if we can truely establish inner peace then we can stay balanced and have loving kindness and compassion in all of our actions, words and thoughts even if the outside world would be so chaotic. He is always emphasizing patience that it is one of the greatest virtues.
Now it was time to put all the teachings into practice. Otherwise they just stay as words but not penetrate into your understanding. I was lucky enough to learn meditation, in Vipassana retreat and in these centers of Mahayana tradition. During the course we were sitting in concentration (calm abiding / shamata) meditation as well as we were guided in analytical meditations on different subjects like; precious human rebirth, impermenance, death, attachment, equanimity, suffering, love and kindness and so on. When the subject was forgiveness (for yourself and for others) most of the people in the group bursted into tears. This was showing me how a major suffering it creates in human consciousness.
As I kept on observing my ego, unexpected emotions were coming up to the surface. Although I kept my commitment to purify the defilements with love, I was failing. It was as if there was an inner power that was blocking and preventing me to generate love and compassion unconditionally for myself and for others. Then as a result a big sadness was capturing me with the feeling of incapability. Tears were showing up over and over again.

I am so much in gratitude for this big smile of Lama Yeshe (above). During the teachings in the gompa, this picture was exactly behind my teacher. I was listening to him with a remarkable suffering in my heart and at the same time seeing Lama Yeshe, looking directly at me with a big smile on his face. It was like an invitation to me to be patient. It was like a comforting reminder that all will pass and wisdom will appear which will make me smile for ever.
Lama Yeshe, together with Lama Zopa Rinpoche, after their exile in India, they began touring and teaching in the West. They became like pioneers on spreading the teachings of Buddha in the other part of the planet. They founded FPMT (The Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition). Tushita in Dharamshala and Root Institude in Bodghaya are the centers of this organization.
The beautiful peaceful gardens of Tushita and the monkeys on the trees were helping me to relax. It was a silent retreat so we were invited to be silent during this 10 days. Some friends from our group were giving me little smiles without knowing how supportive this was during my intense inner journey. I am so thankful for those people.
I was seeing two paths in front of me which was confusing my mind. One was to analyse every aspect of my ego, see what I want to change and do my best to transform them. Second one was to put all these aside, remember the fact of death and the law of impermenance and then concentrate on Emptiness. Which way was more valid?
So I asked guidance from my teacher. How could I be more patient? How could I develop forgiveness? His orientation was direct and simple. He recommended me to work on letting go to open up some space that could be filled with love again. He also advised me to work on renunciation to worldly happiness. This was extraordinarily surprising. He said; “Stay patiently with your disturbing emotions. Let them manifest themselves. Be attentive on not clinging to any of them. And take these into your life one by one;

• Renunciation; the act of abandonment from something that we have clinged to
• Bodhicittha; the mind that strives toward empathy and compassion for the benefit of all beings
• Emptiness; Buddhist concept which indicates that all phenomena are empty of all presuppositions. And this eventually leads to the realization of non-seperate self or non-self.

This was a great guidance. Then the course finished leaving me with many teachings, orientations, realizations like medicine, just at the perfect time. How magical is the unknown flow of life. How magical are the unimagined and meaningful synchronicities that manifest in accordance with our conscious intention. Then us (the ego) and our expanded awareness both participate in the same creative process. Whether it is painful or joyful, it is a blissful gift of the universe.

Couple of days after the course Booooom! An unexpected staggering experience occured in my life suddenly. It was so much painful that it drived me into an even more intensive inquiry and quest that would be life changing eventually. Naturally a sudden grief emerged at the first place. Regardless of how deep our realizations are, grief is a very special and distinctive matter. I believe it may be the most personal and intimate thing. But like any other thing it is an energy. It comes, stays for some time (maybe long years) then it may go due to our perspective and wisdom.
It was as if the unknown flow of all potentialities was creating so harsh conditions for me to realize what I needed to realize. It was as if everything was unfolding one after another for me to learn to love unconditionally. A brand new era was opening in front of me.
“Every experience no matter how bad it seems, holds within a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it.” Buddha
I am so grateful for all the teachings and teachers that came into my way at those times. Without them I would lose myself and go into a heavy mental break down. Out of compassion I wish no one would live my situation but paradoxically I am in gratitude for these extensive experiences that were profound teachers. Without them I wouldn’t meet with the light, with the real Self. At every moment I was knowing so deeply that there was a mysterious, wise, sacred energy that was there to protect me, support me to overcome my suffering and to guide me to the truth.
Imagine a pendulum. When it rises to one side, it is inevitable that it will rise to the opposite side with the same momentum. Just like that, after we attach to desires and ride with them to the edge, it is inevitable that we will suffer to the same degree sooner or later. So how about chosing to stay in the middle? This is a great exploration. So it was inescapable that I failed to extreme suffering after massive pleasures. You may have guessed, yes it was a love story.

“I understand the wounds
That have not healed in you.
They exist because God and love
Have yet to become real enough
To allow you to forgive
The dream.”
Hafiz, a great Persian Sufi poet

2,5 years already passed over those times. Remembering how was Deniz back then, I am wrapping her in my arms, wiping her tears, loving and easing her with great compassion.
If you feel lost in your disturbing emotions, there are so vital things that has to be remembered to heal them. The very first step is to relax. If you don’t relax then you always stay with resistance. See if you can open yourself into a non-reaction state. Which means not to identify with your experience, not to attach to any of them and be dragged by the strong pull of thoughts, emotions and sensations. Without analysing, judging, resisting and without pushing them away just let them be as they are. This practice can be done most effectively during meditation. Then in time you learn to expand this perspective into all of your moments.
I know, I really know it is not easy. But with courage and patience you will learn to be free. Don’t push pressure on yourself, mind transformation can take time. Once at a time. Don’t sprint to win the race. At these times it will be easy to fall into your pain. Ask yourself which one you want to choose; Dharma or drama? The real nature of you or suffering? It is a matter of choice. So always refresh your motivation. When the motivation is clear then you hold on to your path with a more dedicated energy. At first times the motivation can be to end your suffering but then it will go deep and suffering won’t be an issue anymore.
So it was time for me to stop conceptualising the outside world, stop treating the illusion as if it is real and see everything as it is. I learned that fixing happiness on changing phenomenons was meaningless. The source of real happiness and peace was within. I let the silence take me to my core.
I focused on my path with acceptance that everything is changing and I can not control anything. So what was trust then? I investigated into it deeply. Trust literally means firm belief in the reliability of someone or something. And reliance literally means dependance. Then the question arises; how can I depend on the impermenant nature of the universe? I come to the realization that it is meaningless to seek trust in the relative make-up of the world. But still, there is an immensely deep trust there in the heart itself. That is the true nature of Self. That is the source of real Love. I was going to find that soon.

If everything is impermenant what is it that always remains? I am leaving you with this profound question.

Now I would like to take you to 3 different significant places in India. As indicated on the map above we will be exploring some parts in the north and northwest part of this big subcontinent.

Let’s start with Amritsar. Amritsar is located in Punjab state in northwest India. It is home to the Golden Temple, one of Sikhism’s most spiritually significant and most-visited place of worship. Sikhism is an Indian monotheistic religion that originated in the Punjab region around the end of the 15th century and now it is the world’s fifth largest organized religion.

The Golden Temple is an open house of worship for all men and women, from all walks of life and faith. The complex is a blend of Hindu and Islamic architectural styles. It has a square plan with four entrances and has a circumambulation path around the pool.

Millions of people visit the Golden Temple each year for pilgrimage. Over 100,000 people visit the holy shrine daily. It is unbelievable to see this crowd of people. The temple is closed just for 4 hours a day but at the rest of the times it is visited by huge lines of people. In this crowd you need to wait in the line for almost 4 hours to be able to reach and see the inside of the temple.

Amritsar means the pool of the nectar of immortality. The pool at the Golden Temple is believed to have healing powers and pilgrims bathe in its sacred waters. The flood of Sikh people looks so colourful because of their turban colour. The colours may reflect association with a particular group or religious conviction of Sikh.

Sikh community run temple’s kitchen that serves a simple vegetarian meal to all visitors without discrimination, regardless of faith, gender or economic background. Can you believe it is serving food for almost 50,000 people each day?

I was so impressed by the selfless service of the people. Hundreds of people volunteer for preparing, cooking, serving the food, cleaning the temple and providing water for everyone in the extreme heats of the day.

The temple also offers free accommodation for visitors. And there is a private dorm for foreign visitors. There were more than thousand people sleeping in the building I stayed. The scale is enormous, right?
I arrived here by a 6 hour bus journey from Dharamshala. I hadn’t slept for almost 1,5 days out of a massive inner pain. I’ve wrote about this pain of mine in ‘Bodghaya and Dharamshala’ days. To understand the integrity of my story you can read that essay. Or let me put it into words so simply. Recently I had an unexpected staggering experience that would be life changing eventually. Based on this, I was in a deep grief.
The weather was intolerably hot. I was surrounded by a great number of people. It was not easy to walk and find your way in between them. Some men were carrying kirpans (a sword or a dagger carried by Sikhs that is a part of a religious commandment) and I was finding the glances of men not so comforting and welcoming. Outside the temple, somewhere in the city a man, in an unkind manner told me to go, that I don’t have a place here, due to the printed Buddhist mandala on my tshirt. The atmosphere was intensive. Because of the vulnerability of my heart I was perceiving everything as so tough.
Please do not let my experience put a negative judgement into your mind about Amritsar. These are so personal experiences. Travelling is an unknown field manifesting due to the flow of your energy and the universe’s. Each experience told me again and again that regardless of how much information or recommendation you collect for a specific place, you have a unique flow that brings different tones with itself.

As I arrived at the temple I put my bag in the dorm, found myself a shady place around the pool and slept for couple of hours between the sounds of prayers of hundreds of people. After I woke up I started to observe. I tried to ease my pain with the devoted spiritual energies of people around me. I circumambulated the temple many times.

Next morning I woke up around 4 o’clock. Waking up to the new day was so difficult these days as I was remembering my pain right away at the exact moment my conciousness was opening. Fullmoon is up there in the sky bringing me even more intense energies. People said fullmoon night is seen as more holy in the Golden Temple. Fullmoon as a symbol refers to the endings. But this time the ending in my life was like a distasteful joke. I went to the inner sanctum where priests and musicians were continuously singing hymns. I found myself a corner, sat and I burst into tears. I kept on reminding myself not to fall into the sense of being a victim. But I got exhausted under the burden of the things I had to accept. Grief is such a thing. When it comes it may be difficult to let go. Thanks to the tears that heal us.

“My dear is your caravan lost?
It is if you can no longer be kind to yourself
And loving to those who must live
With the sometimes difficult task of loving you.
At least come to know
That someone untied your camel last night
For I hear its gentle voice
Calling for God in the desert.”
From Hafiz, a great Persian Sufi poet

The journey that took me from Amritsar to Jaipur was totally a nightmare. It was the national holiday, all roads were full of people so it was almost impossible to find a ticket. But somehow two men helped me at the terminal and arranged me a seat at a bus. So that I could be able to find my way without going all the way back to Delhi. After 18 hours I was finally in Jaipur and entered Rajastan state for the first time.

Jaipur is the capital and the largest city of the Rajastan state in northwest India and it is the gateway to India’s most colourful state, Rajastan. Jaipur is also known as the Pink City, due to the dominant color scheme of its buildings. Here we see the unique Rajastani architecture.

At the heart of this historical city, the City Palace continues to house the former royal family. I was not here in the best season. In fact I was here at the worst. Summers begin from mid March to June and have very hot weather with temperatures around 40 degrees. So if you visit during these seasons prepare for the scorching heat.

The city’s streets, alleys and markets are so colourful, vibrant and chaotic at the same time. In the middle of this cacophony you come across some little shrines, temples, small or big markets. There are many traditional shops selling antiques and handicrafts like block printing, stone carving and jewellery.

There is a huge section of colourful saris in the bazaar. Sari (saree) is the women’s cloth in the Indian subcontinent. It is a long one piece fabric (5-8meters) that is wrapped around the waist and shoulder. Above you can see illustrations of many saris of different styles. Amazingly beautiful Indian women look even more beautiful in those sarees with decorative borders, silver and golden coloured shiny ornaments.

Nahargarh Fort which was the residence of the king, crowns the arid hill in the northwest corner of the old city. There is a 360 degree view from top where you can see the scale of the city and its surroundings.
These days were seriously difficult because of my vulnerable heart. The heat was unbearable outside and inside and the chaos of the city was making me feel even more lost in my attempts to find my way out. I was so weak in pain that I was uncapable to look after my mind that it was counter attacking me over and over again, making me wonder if I was going mad or not. I kept on reminding myself to be patient, everything would end sooner or later for sure.

I wish and pray for anyone who is going through these types of intensive times one major thing; that is compassion. Compassion for one’s self. And if that is possible I wish for everyone to have support from people around them who are willing to help to remove the suffering from the one. Compassion is beyond empathy that goes a huge step forward with the motivation to relieve the suffering from the person.
But I was alone. It was not my choice. Somehow all the energies in the universe were unfolding in such a way that I was ending up to deal with my pain alone. Apart from one or two, my loved ones were not around me any more. It was my sixth month in my journey and interestingly as I was out of sight, I was out of the minds of friends. I was forgotten. This gives pain at the first place then you get used to this fact of life. People forget.
In fact dealing with my pain in my aloneness was the best set up for my growth. This enabled me to develop my capacity more strongly, to train my mind more wisely.
I was quite lucky that in Jaipur my path crossed with Derya (above), a dear sister I knew from Turkey. I guess I will never forget that early evening when we went to this forth up on the hill. I remember on top of that hill, I laid down on the ground helplessly. She simply put her hands on my heart. There was no need for words but the human touch performed its healing gift. With tears I just let myself watch the birds fly above me.

Then I moved to Pushkar (above) that is a fascinating town in centeral part of Rajastan and it is situated about 150 kilometres southwest of Jaipur. To me it is the most beautiful town in Rajastan. The best attraction of Pushkar is the Pushkar Lake which is believed to be holy. Town is located on the shore of this lake.

Pushkar is a pilgrimage site for Hindus. The lake has many ghats that are the series of steps leading down to a body of water where Hindu pujas (prayers) and bathing take place. One of these steps is called the Gandhi Ghat where Gandhi’s ashes were sprinkled here to the holy waters.

Pushkar has many temples among which it hosts one of the world’s few Brahma temples. I really liked to wander around inbetween the temples by the lake. I was choosing mostly the quite times when there were less people so I was sharing this mystical spaces just with the cows.

Since it is a pilgrimage place there are also many other temples in the town. Pushkar is also a holy place for Sikhs so there are some gurdwaras as well that are the places of worship for Sikh people.

Savitri Mata temple is located on a hilltop (above) at the southwest part of the town. From here you clearly see the arid landscape you have reached to. The temple overlooks the lake and the views are fantastic especially during the sunset. You can reach there by a cable way or trek one hour up. And about 8km southwest of town is a collection of Shiva temples in an arid rocky area. (above)

Motorcycle is a good way to explore the deserty landscape of the surrounding. Apart from some Shiva temples you can also visit the ashram of Alu Baba somewhere outside the town. Soon for the next destination I was in the direction to reach the desert and all the sceneries were telling me that I was just at the entrance to the heart of the desert. It was so surprising and amazing to see peacocks with their beautiful colours remarkably shining in the calm earth colours of the nature.
You start to see camels in and around the life. Pushkar is world famous for its spectacular Camel Fair which takes place in the Hindu month of Kartika (October/November). Pushkar is also the place to discover Rajastani traditional music. There are many underground musicians performing every night at the lake during the sunset. Go to the sunset point to experience this upbeat vibe. Here we became friends with Soji (above) who is a local musician from the desert.

Pushkar is known to be the best place to shop in Northern India. Main street is the colourful bazaar with lots of shops selling different handicrafts, jeweleries, clothes, cushion covers, bags etc. Many people come to Pushkar to buy souvenirs to sell back in their countries.

Pushkar is a blend of religious and traditional scenes. It is still incredibly mystic and has a great magnetism that made me stay here for two weeks. I gave many of my time wandering around the labyrinth like alleys around the lake. Then I was resting at my favourite chai shop on the corner and observing the people passing by, chatting with other travellers that I met. These were the best things to do to discover all walks of life.

Pushkar let me rest and relax in her soft and compassionate embrace. It helped my mind to calm down during the intensive unpleasant inner process I was going through. Having long walks around the lake, meditating during the sunset each day, hearing the sounds of pujas coming from the temples, all were helping me to relax more and more deeply. Slowly I was receiving the rewards of my efforts on being awake to all the games of my ego. It is ok Deniz. All is ok.
At my last day I did a ceremony by the lake. I offered flowers to this holy water and prayed for wisdom that will free me from suffering.

Through my pain a particular energy was rising, pointing me the opening of new beginnings. How meaningful that was because Pushkar hosts one of the world’s few Brahma temples. Brahma is one of the three major Gods of Hinduism along with Shiva and Vishnu. Brahma stands for the creator aspect of the universe. It was as if this energy was reaching out for me.
It was time to focuse on my journey that had already brought me many gifts and has the potential to bring me more in its unknown flow. It was time to refresh my motivation and open myself fully and surrender to whatever will unfold. A brand new era had started already unfolding with the power of creation. And this was so uplifting, stimulating and so spacious.

“Would you become a pilgrim on the road of love? If so, keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable. The wound is the place where the light enters you. Let silence take you to the core of life. Then make yourself humble as dust and ashes. This will unfold your own myth.”
Rumi

In this essay I am going to take you to the other beautiful cities of Rajastan, to Jaisalmer and Udaipur. Their location is indicated on the map above.

My journey in magnificent Rajastan was continuing through to the heart of the desert. I left Pushkar and by a 10 hour bus journey I arrived at Jaisalmer that is another jewel of Rajastan. Jaisalmer is a city in the west side of the state, located 575km west of the state’s capital Jaipur. On the far west it is bordered with Pakistan.

Jaisalmer hosts the ancient Jaisalmer Fort (above) that we can say is the icon of the city. Just like I did, you can choose a budget guesthouse in the fort located on this hill top and enjoy your moments with the great view of the city and the desert below you. The big gates welcome you inside the fort. As you enter you are already in the unique atmosphere surrounded by many little alleys that are home to the palace, temples, houses and markets.

Jaisalmer is nicknamed as “The Golden city” as many of the houses and temples in the fort and the town below are built of finely sculptured yellow sandstone. The fort contains the royal palace with its massive walls. The surfaces of all the spaces in the palace are decorated with unbelievably delicate carvings. Seeing all this amazing architecture you feel like you are traveling in time. I highly suggest you to visit the museum here.

The fort also has several Jain temples inside its area. Jainism is an ancient Indian religion that believes in the path of victory in crossing over life’s stream of rebirths by destroying karma through an ethical and spiritual life. Of all the major Indian religions, Jainism has had the strongest ascetic tradition. And now it has over 5 million devotees in the world. These temples date back to 12-15th centuries and store many precious ancient literature of Jains.

The temples are famous for their exquisite work of art and architecture built out of yellow sandstone. Every tiny space in the temples are covered with ornate carvings of women, men and animals. There are many figures of dancing women on the pillars. You get amazed wandering around thousands of intricate statues.

The ceiling of one of the temples is adorned by near life-size statues. The craftsmenship here is really unbelievable.

While wandering around the alleys I saw some paintings right next to the entrances of the houses (like above). Then I learned that these were wedding invitations! They said this interesting tradition has been in practice since the pre-independence era. The painted invitation remains forever on the wall, unless there is another marriage happening in the family.
You can try delicious bhang (marijuana) lassi at the government authorized shop close to the entrance of the fort. Packs of bhang-infused cookies and chocolates are also available for takeaway and can be savored during the trips in the desert.

Jaisalmer, being an arid desert region, has extremes in terms of temperature that varies greatly from day to night. The summers start from March and temperatures can go up to 50 °C. As I was here in April, the temperature was already so high. In the day time I wasn’t going out around the noon when the sun is so high up and at nights I was sleeping at the roof terrace of the place I was staying.

Jaisalmer lies in the heart of Thar desert that is the great Indian desert. So I took the chance to go futher and camp over night at the sand dunes. The sand dunes are around 50 km from Jaisalmer city. You go up until a point with a car then get on a camel and proceed further to a proper point for camping. They call this camel safari.

These 3 young men helped our little group of four people and guided us into the desert, set up our camp, cooked a humble but delicious dinner for us and took care of our needs. I found them so naive.

The most remarkable part of Jaisalmer experience was the times in the desert. It was my very first desert experience and I highly recommend everyone to try it. Although the weather was around 40 degrees, the wind was comforting me. I enjoyed to walk on the dunes and let myself hear the silence of the desert. The view of the sunset was stunning. After the dinner I laid down on a mattress and started to watch the amazing view of the night sky. I kept on gazing at the stars and the spectacular milky way for hours, even in between my sleep.

These days I was going through a process of deep grief out of an unexpected staggering experience that came into my life recently. (To understand the integrity of my story you can read my previous essays of India.) I guess this was the greatest pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I was on fire inside and outside, watching the ashes of the lower self, my ego. I was coming to know that sometimes we fail in life because there is always a learning in it.
I sat for meditation at the dawn next morning. The most beneficial way out was to observe the pain mindfully, without attaching and without pushing it away. It was time to purge the unnecessary loads. Within my capacity I let go of the suffering, all the burden, excessiveness to the wind.
The universe is simply an energy game. Sometimes the energies intertwine in such a way that show you can not control anything. All the things you have attached slip through your hands. There is nothing left for you to hold on to. Now everything is totally brand new and unknown. This unknown quality enables the fears to emerge. The only thing that is left for you is to surrender.
It was as if the universe was shaping me in India. Harshly and compassionately at the same time. When you be truthful to yourself, when you have the courage to see everything as it is, then these times become a stepping stone. For you to come closer to your reality, for you to remember who you really are.

The spacious desert was soothing me with its silence and purity. I was cherishing my aloneness. We often find ways to run away from our suffering and we feel better. Then we realize this relief doesn’t last, there is no lasting satisfaction there. Because they all have limited ability to cure what is going on inside. Because they are not permanent, they change. In aloneness ego is shattered because it has nothing to relate to. Then the everlasting peace starts to become visible. This is freedom. Celebrate this opening Deniz. Dance with the universe.

Then my journey brought me to another significant point in Rajastan, to Udaipur by a 12 hour bus journey. Udaipur is located in the south of Rajastan, 400 km southwest of the state capital Jaipur. Right after my arrival I found a cheap but a nice hostel that had a great terrace open to the view of the whole city. The sun was rising. After leaving the desert behind me I was welcoming the new day this time near the lakes.

Udaipur is known as the “City of Lakes” because of its sophisticated lake system. It has seven lakes surrounding the city. The interconnected lakes form a system which supports and sustains the groundwater. The old city is located by the Pichola Lake (above).

City palace that is one of the most remarkable historical attraction here, stands on the banks of Lake Pichola. It is a massive series of palaces date back to 16th century.

The lake side was the best place to hang around as there are many beautiful spots here. And also it was refreshing to be by the water due to very hot temperatures. Traveling in Rajastan in April already forces you to start your day so early and come back to shady spaces in the noon time. In the late afternoon you are again able to go out as the temperature starts to become bearable. There is an advantage to travel in the off season as there are less tourists and the prices of accommodation and food are cheaper.

Jagdish Hindu temple is to me the most beautiful attraction of the city. It is seen behind the simple but artistic wall of a house above. Carved depictions are really impressive here. The temple is dedicated to Lord Vishnu, that is one of the 3 principal deities of Hinduism. Vishnu is the preserver aspect of God that protects dharmic principles whenever the world is threatened with evil, chaos, and destructive forces. I asked for guidance and support from this force that dwells in us all. I prayed for the preservation of the wisdom I’ve realized so far.
When entering a temple Hindus ring a bell. The reason for this is to inform God that one has come at his feet. And this high sound with its frequency enables the person to leave behind all the restlessness, turbulance and complexity behind. It invites the one to the core of inner silence.

Udaipur is also well known for handicrafts such as paintings, hand loom works, silver arts and terracotta.

Monsoon Palace, also known as Saijan Garh Palace is located on top of Bansdara peak on the east part of the city. This peak is a part of Aravali range that seperates the region from Thar desert. This hilltop has a great view of the city’s lakes, palaces and surrounding countryside. (above) The northern part of the district consists generally of elevated plateaus, while the eastern part has vast stretches of fertile plains. If you spend some of your time at this side of the city I highly recommend you to see the peaceful lakes around, especially Bari lake. (above)

Monsoon palace is a beautiful example of Rajastani architecture which I really adore. Above you see the front entrance. The palace was build basically as an astronomical centre to keep track of the movement of monsoon clouds. It was also serving as a resort for the royal family.

Our paths crossed in Udaipur with my friend Baran that I know from Turkey. We spent two quality days together. He was a close soul to me that I could tell about my inner journey so we shared a lot. I really appreciate his friendship and I am grateful for this heart warming encounter with him.
At the end of all of my sharing to my friend, I came to the same conclusion that pouring out my soul doesn’t really work for me as it does for most of the people. It makes me even more tired. It gives me the sense that I am treating the illusion (of my lower self) as if it is real. This escalates my grief. There is a learning in this as well for sure. Neither expressing nor supressing, but my way of experiencing the opening is through meditation, through inner inquiry.
Letting go is not quite easy sometimes. It is not easy to watch all the magnificent moments of the past fade away and die in the depths of the past. This is perceived as a loss by the ego and that creates resistance in you to accept. Then this feeds your grief. It was the time to be courageous to let go.

“The sun will stand as your best man
And whistle
When you have found the courage
To marry forgiveness
When you have found the courage
To marry love.”
Hafiz, the great Persian poet

As my route was proceeding in the south direction, I left Rajastan and reached two new significant destinations in two different states. First is the Ellora Caves located in the Maharashtra state. Second is Hampi located in Karnataka state.

I left Udaipur and reached Aurangabad by a 22 hour bus journey. Ellora caves is located about 30km in northwest of Aurangabad city. I first chose a place to stay to leave my backpack and plan my tour to the caves. I am mostly choosing the cheapest place to stay but this time it surprised me as it was located at a highly conservative Muslim neighborhood. Especially the glances of men were so strange and severe that made me feel like a total stranger. Anyway I planned my trip to the caves and next morning I was there to discover this ancient land.
Ellora Caves is a Unesco World Heritage Site and it is one of the largest rock-cut monastery temple cave complexes in the world. Caves line along a 2km-long rocky hill and consists of 12 Buddhist, 17 Hindu and 5 Jain caves. All these caves were carved laboriously for five centuries between 5-10th century CE. They were built close to one another and illustrate the religious harmony that existed in ancient India.

The Kailasha temple (Cave 16) in particular, features the largest single monolithic rock excavation in the world. When you are walking in and around it you get mesmerised by its size and architecture. It is hard to believe that it was entirely carved out of a single rock over a period of 150 years. This temple is dedicated to Lord Shiva and it is clearly among the best ancient Indian architecture.

It is a multi-storey temple surrounded by numerous shrines laid out according to the square principle and it has an integrated space for circumambulation.

Hindu caves has many carved sculptures that have remarkably delicate details. They depict the mythologies, gods, goddesses like Shiva, Parvati, Ganesha, Durga, Krishna, Saraswati.

Buddhist caves consist of carved multi-storey monasteries with prayer halls, living quarters, sleeping quarters and kitchens. The monastery caves have shrines including carvings of Buddha, bodhisattvas and saints.

Notable among the Buddhist caves is Cave 10, the ‘Vishvakarma cave’ (above) that was built around 650 CE. Inside the cave the rock has been given a finish that has the appearance of wooden beams. And at the heart of this cave is a big statue of Buddha seated.

There are also Jain caves in the whole complex. The Chotta Kailasha (above) is the most remarkable one.

Jain caves (above) are smaller than the Buddhist and Hindu caves but nonetheless feature highly detailed carvings. Emphasis is placed on the depiction of the twenty-four Jinas (spiritual conquerors who have gained liberation from the endless cycle of rebirths).

I have explored the caves in the scorching heat of April and cooled myself in the shady dark corners of the temples. I opened myself to the wisdom that had been accumulated for centuries at these ancient temples. My body was tired, my heart was in grief and in deep pain due to a recent unimagined experience.
All I needed was a little rest in Gods’ embrace…

Then I left Aurangabad and set off to the south. My next destination was Hampi that is not just a remarkable ancient city but also a fascinating natural wonder. I arrived at Hampi in 1,5 days by a train and bus journey.
Hampi is situated on the banks of Tungabhadra river. By 1500 CE, it was the world’s second largest medieval-era city after Beijing and probably India’s richest at that time, attracting traders from Persia and Portugal. It is now a Unesco World Heritage Site. The Virupaksha temple (above) is the oldest shrine here and it is like the historical icon of the town.

This temple is the principal destination for pilgrims and remains as an active Hindu worship site. You can see many Hindus here praying and doing their rituals and ceremonies. The temple’s superstructure is a pyramidal tower with plastered storeys that have delicate artworks including erotic sculptures.

Lakshmi is this dear elephant living in Virupaksha temple. She is believed to be the incarnation of God Ganesha, so she is holy. You can watch her morning ritual every morning where she goes into the holy river. The caretakers help her to have her bath. I fell in love with her, she has adorably beautiful long eye lashes.

This great site hosts more than 1,600 surviving remains of the last great Hindu kingdom in South India. It includes forts, riverside structures, royal and sacred complexes, temples and shrines.

Hemakuta hill monuments (above) are easily accessible and provide views of some parts of Hampi. Keep in mind that good amount of walking is a must as the ruins are scattered over a huge area.

I have to mention about the well known beautiful people of India. With their sincere smiles, how loving and warm hearted they are. While wandering around the temples and complexes I met many adorable people, mostly women and children. When they see that you are a foreign traveller, they get interested in you right away. I am always amazed by the beauty of Indian women in their colourful sarees. I like the way they ornament their hair with fresh flowers.

River divides the valley; on one side there is the holy centre and on the other side agricultural fields. I settled in a nice and cosy hostel at the other side of the river. I was quite happy to have a terrace that has a view of big paddy fields (above).

Being at this side of the river enabled me to discover the surrounding more easily. Motorcycle is the best way to explore the little villages, jade-green palm groves, banana plantations and paddy fields.

Within this arid landscape lies many little oasis with some little lakes, palm, banana and mango trees. Farmers are grazing their animals in between fertile agricultural fields.

Hampi has another incredibly spectacular side that is its hilly terrains formed by granite boulders. When you visit this area you can find countless secret beautiful points by the river. The area is simply stunning and you will be in between millions of soft looking huge rocks. They are all you see whichever direction you look. Rock climbers frequently visit Hampi for this reason. There are also some little waterfalls in the area.

During all these explorations, there was a process going on in my mind and heart. I had been in a deep grief and with an extremely restless mind after an unexpected staggering experience that took place in my life about 2,5 months ago. (To understand the integrity of my story you can read my previous essays of India.) The days here were maybe the most extreme times of this process. As I was opening myself and allowing everything to be as it is, there were many things coming up to the surface from my psyche. Vicious thoughts of pride, jealousy, guilt, low self esteem, fears of abandonment, loneliness… I was picking myself up and then collapsing again and again in an unending cycle.
I guess I won’t forget my experience at that magical spot by the river (above). I sat for meditation but my body was shaking out of extreme disturbing emotions. I was breathing so deeply like a woman that is trying to give a birth. Then I asked myself sharply; “Which way do you choose? Suffering or freedom? Choose right now! There is no place to hide. There is no strategy left. You are aware of all the games of your ego. Choose Love and become free. Show this courage. Don’t seek the love you want to be, BE it!”
Then at that exact moment of checkmate, something extraordinary unfolded. It was like an opening, like a sudden transmission. A clear and bright moment of a-ha. When I opened my consciousness fully to be the love, a light became visible from inside. I suddenly realized the real power of love that is the highest source of inspiration ever. What a relief, what a freedom. I passed this big test with love. Then soon, in the next months in India I would realize that the gift of this real love is pure wisdom.
This was a moment of disassosication from the illusion where the wounds found healing. It was a profound realization and a precious stepping stone. When I would fail again, now there was a deeper knowing that I could remember which would show me the way. Every test you pass, your evolution accelerate. The result of such transformation in consciousness is priceless.